I’m a terrible insomniac.. So anything from here on out, don’t hold me responsible for..
Maybe I should start with explaining who I am.. I’ll start off with the biggest part of me.
I’m a Mom. First and foremost. Before you stop reading, hear me out.. I’m 24, divorced and getting remarried in a couple of months. My son is 16 months old (as of today, the 26th) and is deaf. Not entirely sure if he was born deaf or if the Hepatitis B vaccine that he was forced to have in the hospital is what caused him to be deaf. Stick with me on this journey of writing and you’ll find out when I do. He is my whole entire world. Every thing I do or think is for or about him. He’s an amazing little kid with a smile brighter than the sun. I cannot possibly imagine ever loving anything or anyone as much or more than I do him. I found out that he was deaf when he was 2 months old after going to many appointments with an audiologist and then finally an audio/brain stem response test. 2 months later, he was wearing his first set of hearing aids. Since then, I have worked tirelessly every day with him on wearing his hearing aids, getting him to pay attention and teaching him sign language (which he is wonderful at already). It’s been a tough road.. processing what this means for his life and dealing with being blamed by my ex-husband because he “didn’t know what to think or feel.” (not excusing his behavior, just to make myself clear there. Those were the words I heard in an apology later on down the road) But as hard as it seemed at first, it seems so easy now. Don’t get me wrong, there are days and times when I feel like pulling out my hair because he can’t hear me tell him no or that he could hurt himself. But all in all, deafness isn’t bad. I wish I were deaf most of the time.. it’s gotta be nice for the world to be tuned out. His deafness will open avenues for him that I never could have dreamed. And when things get tough, we’ll conquer the mountain. I am beyond blessed to have this precious little guy in my life. Out of all the bad that came from my marriage and relationship with my ex-husband, this kid makes it all worthwhile.
So there’s the biggest part.. guess I’ll explain the new guy next.
This man… I don’t know that I CAN explain.. he’s the second best thing to ever happen to me ((the kid being the first, of course..)) and he’s the best Dad my son could ever ask for. I’m pretty positive that if he were able to pick his Dad out himself, this guy is who he would choose. He’s strong and brave and bold and doesn’t take crap from anyone. He’s understanding, caring, loving and considerate. He steps up when needed and backs off to let me be me without having to ask if he should. He has been a constant in my son’s life for months now and there’s nothing like seeing his eyes light up when the Fiancee walks into the house. He’s my sounding board, my rock, my safe place, my best friend, my protector, my knight in ripped up blue jeans, my handy man ((kinda literally)), my other half.. Plato said, “According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.” I fully believe that he spent his 27 years looking for me and I spent my 24 looking for him. Although, we met when he was 21 and I was 19.. so I guess technically we found each other some years ago. We dated back when we met for 6 months. I won’t go into the gory details that led to our untimely demise as a couple.. all that really matters at this point is that we are together here and now and are getting married. He’s the perfect fit for our imperfect lives. I really could go on all night…
As for me, I’m loud and goofy and I don’t mind making a total fool of myself if it means that someone in the vicinity will smile. I can be crazy at times, but in all the right ways.. I can be a complete bitch when necessary (especially when it comes to the mistreatment of my child.. I’ll explain that a different day..). I like to have fun anywhere I go and in whatever I do. I am mostly a glass half full kind of girl but I have a tendency to be the typical slouch on the couch with a gallon of mint chocolate chip and the saddest chick flicks ever made if something has made me really upset. (keep a box of kleenex handy for some of the upcoming blogs as it may possibly get a bit dusty wherever you are) I love photography for the sheer beauty of still life.. those candid shots where nobody knows you’re taking pictures and they’re laughing and truly enjoying themselves.. those gorgeous sunsets and beautiful nature scenes, all animals included.. I have a terrible habit of making my gorgeous pitbull the subject of many photo shoots. I don’t get to go out and shoot as much as I used to.. that whole full time mom thing.. but when I can, I take full advantage. I am creative and talented but don’t put much of it to use. I can do a variety of things but I’m not sure I’ve mastered anything in particular. I love to drive around with the windows down, the radio blaring and singing at the top of my lungs… alone or with people.. I miss my freedom.. I wouldn’t trade my son for anything, but I think that every stay at home mom goes through points where they really wish they could be free for a few days. I grew up really fast. A lot of things in my life could have made me an awful person.. but I was fortunate.. and I think I ended up being pretty okay. Enough about me..
I don’t know who all might possibly follow this… I don’t know that anyone will… if not, that’s alright too.. either way, I’ll have at least gotten it all out.. If that’s even possible.
For now, it’s time to check on the kiddo and make sure that he is on his way back to dreamland (he woke up half an hour ago.. he’s getting in two canine teeth at the same time and I’m thinking it’s making for very uncomfortable sleeping.) and then I have a date with a pillow and some strong tattooed arms.. Until next time…
-Isabella has spoken…-